Think You Need An Apology to Forgive?
After working with hundreds of folks about forgiveness you start to see some significant patterns in the way people deal with the process. One particular aspect in the healing process between people is the desire for the person who has been hurt to obtain an apology from the one who has hurt them.
Of course it is wonderful if someone has taken an action towards you that caused pain and suffering on your part honestly says they are sorry. It does not make their actions right – but it sure feels good to have that person acknowledge their “wrong.”
However, that is not always the case. Human interactions can be complex and they do not often go the way we would like them to. All of us have been on the other side of the fence where someone else felt like we did them wrong and we stuck to our guns and would not apologize. We felt that there was nothing to apologize for because we were right in our actions.
So, we can understand what it is like when the shoe is on the other foot – or can’t we? I am sure that you feel that in your particular case it is obvious that what they did was wrong. But of course it is obvious to you because you were the one who felt wronged. To the other person who took the action they may feel very justified in taking those actions according to their current mind-set and belief system.
To be able to let go and be happy we must have clarity about the way the human mind works. The truth is that the other person may never want to let go of their point of view. So then we get to make the choice of whether or not we can forgive them for their inability to see things from our side of the fence. You see? Forgiveness becomes a matter of forgiving them for their narrow point of view – not for what they did to you. Then you can be free of the pain of carrying the burden of that wrongdoing in your mind.
I encourage you to open your heart and mind too – and be open to see where people are in their personal growth process and forgive them for not being able to move past where they are in the moment. After all, just because they cannot move past their point of view it does mean you have to suffer from the same fate!
Don’t forget to post your feelings below!!